I'M NOT SURE WHAT STATE YOU ARE IN BUT ON BEHALF OF CHILIS. I WOULD
LIKE TO APPOLOGIZE FOR THE BAD EXPERIENCE THAT YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER
HAD.I GO THE EXTRA MILE TO MAKE SURE ALL OF MY GUEST ESPECIALLY THE
CHILDREN ARE HAPPY WHEN THEY VISIT THE CHILIS I WORK AT.DID YOU
CONTACT THE BRINKER CORPORATION? IF YOU DIDN'T THAN I SUGGEST YOU DO
SO. CHILIS ALSO HAS A WEB SITE AND EMAIL ADDRESS FOR COMMENTS AND FOR
PEOPLE THAT ARE NOT HAPPY WITH SOMETHING OR SOMEONE. I FIND IT VRY
RUDE MYSELF WE ARE PROUND SPONSERS OF THE ST.JUDES FOUNDATION. SO ANY
DISRESPECT THAT WAS GIVEN TO A CHILD OR ONE OF OUR GUESTS.IS NOT
SOMETHING THAT OUR COMPANY WOULD TAKE LITELY..

FYI, I have never been approached at restaurant because of our
children's bad behavior, either, and my girls are only 3 and 1! Like
Sandra, we have had only good reports from other customers and
restaurant employees. I'm sure our day will come, though. =)

What I find interesting is that each person commenting on this letter
was once a child who, I guarantee, behaved less than perfectly at one
time or another during childhood (probably many times). Let's not be
too hasty to condem this mother because I'm sure our own mothers could
tell some stories on each of us.

Most parents do the best they can (and do a pretty darn good job), but
sometimes a two year old is going to be a two year old. One thing my
husband and I do if we feel that our kids may not make it through the
meal quietly is to ask for our bill after we order our food. We pay
right then and let our server know that we might be needing to go
boxes if the situation deteriorates. That way we are all set to go if
we need to make a speedy exit. Trust me, parents are not out to ruin
your evening. We are just looking to have a nice evening, too.

I have 3 children, granted they are all a bit older, 11, 6 & 5. NEVER
have I been approached anywhere because of my childrens behavior. I
have been approached by wait staff and other patrons commenting on how
well they behave. Usually this happens when there are other unruly
kids around. My kids even know that they must clean up the area where
they have eaten. No food left on the floor, napkins and silverware in
their plates. The waiters/ress are not slaves of the restaurant, just
like I am not a slave at home. Consideration, mannners, politeness,
teach your kids these traits. The world would be better off.

I must be missing something here...the management told you to keep
your children under control, you said they were, your server took over
40 mins to take your order, the kids did not get the tortillas you
ordered plus a variety of other complaints...yet you still paid for
the meal then went home and wrote this letter.

If my party had truly been treated as you stated yours were I would
not have paid for the meals because management would be apologizing
and trying to make things right.

It just seems you conveniently removed or left out eventsand left in
only the parts that made you look like the wounded party.

How sad to think that your daughter was rewarded in some way from the
local sheriff's department but you have no idea how to tell the
complete truth.

To begin, a party of over 8 people, regardless of whether the
restaurant is empty or full, requires a wait time. The staff will have
to determine where you can be seated, and most likely will have to
move furniture, and determine which server can handle a party that
size, in addition to any other tables they might have. A 20-30 minute
wait is standard, not something to complain about.

MA Cunningham made a good point - a simple call ahead would have
allowed them to have the table ready when you arrived - making the
whole experience smoother for everyone. They would have known to have
the table set up and the staff prepared. If the restaurant was mostly
empty, they may have been short-staffed, and unprepared to handle a
party that size.

And I have to say, I tend to think that the OP left much out of her
story - as evidenced by large gaps, only noting what the staff "did
wrong." Honestly, the fact that she didn't immediately apologize and
agree to keep everyone calm when approached by management was a
telling sign - she actually admitted that they weren't "being any
louder than anyone else" there.

Maybe management was rude in their requests to have the kids keep it
down, per the OP, their requests may have been poorly phrased.
Regardless, I feel like we're missing part of the story, as the kids
must have been making too much noise, and I'd almost guarantee her
wait times were completely exaggerated.

If there are valid complaints in this letter, they're being obscured
by the rest of it. Simply saying, the children may have been excited
and hungry, but: A) management was rude in their requests to calm the
children, and B) the wait time for food, which would have helped get
the children under control was too great; would have made the letter
much more succint, and easier to sympathize with.
_______________________________________________

And I think Mr Helpful made a good point - unfortunately, I've never
seen a parent take it well when someone asked them to restrain their
little ones - it implies bad parenting, and tends to put the parents
on the defensive, so they immediately cry discrimination, when it's
obviously not. Discrimination would have been refusing to serve your
party - this was a simple case of trying to handle a difficult
situation as best they could.

I'm sorry, but I would bet my last penny that your children were
behaiving like they were in the Romper room and not a restaraut. I
absolutely hate it when I'm out to eat and have horrid children seated
near me. When I waited tables, I was constantly accosted by children
running, screaming, throwing food, and overall behaiving like freaks.
How dare you assume that everyone should have to put up with screaming
and other disrubtive behaivor? I also had many instances when a
"parent" (term used loosely) would get upset when asked to have a
child sit down for their own safety. How would you feel as a parent if
your child were injured by a "sizzlin" fajit plate they knocked out of
a server's hand when they were misbehaiving? OH, let me guess, it is
Chili's fault for serving the hot food on a hot plate? Get over
yourself.

Truthfully, this is a way of the parents having "time off". "Let's go
eat and let them babysit." "Oh, I don't wanna clean up after them
tonight."

I can see this happening on a friday or saturday night. There are
115+ other guests in the restraunt and half are screaming whinners
that the parents feel the wait staff should caiter too. Granted, in
my restraunt, kids are 1st priority because if you put food in thier
mouth, they don't scream. I'd rather clean up the mess than to piss
off the well mannered adults trying to have a good relaxing time.

Really, take your kids to Chucky cheese. they specialize in the
management of destructive kids.

but I'm going to make an exception here. I can't count the number of
times I've had an otherwise pleasant meal ruined by out-of-control
children at restaurants. Invariably the parents either think it's
"cute" when their "little darlings" scream at the top of their lungs
(I've literally heard parents say this!) or they're too tired or
disinterested to care.

Most managers are very reluctant to say anything, for fear of (don't
get me started on this!) "offending the offenders". That the manager
did say something in this case, speaks volumes to me. I just don't
believe that they would risk the ire of the typical
entitlement-mentality ("I have children so everyone should love and
accept them") parent if there wasn't a real problem.

Btw, perhaps it's just a sign of the times, but when I was a child, my
parents never considered an establishment with a bar to be a "family
place". And I was never allowed to scream, run wild, or act like
anything but a proper gentleman in a restaurant.

Where I work, if the kids can be heard in the kitchen, the manager
will politely tell the kid themselves to please use and inside voice.
Its rude to let you kid behave like little brats.

And I bet they left their silverware on the floor along with some
crushed crayons, spilled a coke, and left 1/2 of their food either on
the floor or on the table for the busboy to pick up...

Seriously lady... if you wouldn't let your kids do it at home, don't
let them do it in public.

I've gone dining with very large groups of people to celebrate
different accomplishments, milestones, and occaisions, including at
times, a large family. Two Parents with fifteen children. That's a
ratio of 7.5 children to each responsible parent.

Believe me, the wait was much longer, and the circumstanes you
mention, at no time, came to fruitition. Not once ever. The older
children do take an active role in helping the parents, but still, I
can tell you this same group of children, in a different environment
could make enough noise to make dogs howl for miles.

My point is, there must be some reason why, with a ratio of one adults
to each child, this "noise" complaint came to be. Saying that they are
a family oriented place and that you go there often doesn't address
the cause.

I've dined out frequently, and have experienced this uruly behavior
first hand. While I don't appreciate it, I tolerate it until it
becomes apparent that no one will be responsible. At that point, I ask
the server to alert the adults responsible.

Not only is it rude, but poses a real danger to the workers and the
other patrons. Had someone tripped and spilled scaulding soup on
someone, this "discrimination" defense would hold much water.

so, here's what you're saying. "my kids were behaving like wild
beasts, because, hey, all the other kids behave like wild beasts, so i
am reasonably certain that is appropriate behavior for children. they
had the audacity to ask me to--gasp--parent my children and i got
angry." hello, you are the mother of kids to whom you have done a
grave disservice. i don't blame them, i blame you. you aren't, in my
opinion, much of a parent. "kid friendly" doesn't mean "let them
behave like barbarians." the people in the restaurant who don't have
kids in attendance are entitled to a peaceful meal. i do agree the
children should be fed as quickly as possible, that is why i always
turned in kid's orders first. the restaurant is a little wrong, but
you are a LOT wrong. they don't need you and your poorly trained
youngsters, trust me.

I think the main problem here is the adults acted like children just
as the children were allowed to behave like rude brats.

It doesn't matter what the occasion, children should not be allowed to
behave as though a restaurant were their own private playground and
adults should be able to handle a situation where food is delayed or
other mishaps come up.

But the good thing that as long as people like the OP boycott a place
because they aren't able to act like grownups, the more real grownups
will have places to go with some peace and quiet while they are
dining.

A long time ago I was part of a large group that went out to a late
dinner at an expensive restaurant that took a long time to prepare the
meals and that kept the lights low and had a menu geared to mature
palates.

One of the other guests -- one of the guests of honor, in fact -- was
a Deaf five-year-old boy from the time zone to the east of us. He had
already spent most of the day traveling. I imagine that he and his
mother had had a very long day.

Why the organizers (who had children of their own) thought that making
this poor child wait until several hours after his usual bedtime to
get his dinner, and to make him wait while sitting in a place in which
he could barely communicate with anybody, I don't know.

But he was quiet and charming and well-behaved (and seated)
throughout. Sure, his mother and those of us at my end of the table
were making an effort to keep him entertained, and sure, he ordered
Scooby Snacks (which were not on the menu, and his mother quickly
changed his order), but still. We didn't even get a glance from
another table.

Welcoming children is not the same as welcoming loud children. Asking
loud children to be quiet is not the same as treating them badly
because they are children. If Chili's actually approached you for no
reason than that you had children at your table, they shouldn't have.
But if they approached you because your children were being louder
than was acceptable, then I think they were totally in the right. And
since your response was "We're not being louder than anyone else"
rather than "Of course we will" I suspect that your children were
being louder than you realized.

and all the other patrons had expectations for a pleasant dining
experience without a bunch of kids going ape.

You may be used to your children's behavior, but rest assured the
patrons in the restaurant are not. Maybe you should take the Pampers
gang to Chuck E Cheese next time.

I would have asked to be moved away from your table if you had
descended on my area of the restaurant.

Your complaints regarding wait times are unfounded, because those
waits are normal. You make it sound like you had the bridge club out,
("my guests") but half your group was 6 and under.

Just last weekend my husband and I went to have an enjoyable meal out
at Chili's. We were sat and were enjoying our appetizers when the
seater came back to the section we were sitting in and started pushing
tables together. By the time our burgers arrived to our table the
first of the "party of 10 or 12" came to our section. It was Mom,
Dad, and 2 year old. Just this small family disrupted the nice
experience we were having. Within a few more minutes another family
with Mom, Dad, and 2 more small kids showed up carrying presents. My
husband and I asked for to go boxes as soon as Mom #1 made a comment
about how it was about to get really loud. Like by saying it to the 2
tables near hers makes it ok.

We did not finish our meals and left before the rest of the baby party
arrived. Was I discriminated against as a childless person who just
wanted to enjoy a nice Saturday evening out with my husband? I go out
to dinner to enjoy myself, not to listen to your kids.

All those alleged adults and you STILL had to have someone come over
ask you to control them?!

Wouldn't 'discrimation' have been if they refused to seat you/serve
you in the first place?

We've eaten out a fair amount with our son, now age 7 1/2, and we've
NEVER been asked to keep him quiet at any restaurant. A crowded
restaurant isn't the kind of place that is bothered by loud-ish voices
or jovial behavior, within reason. I have to think your kids must have
been REALLY out of control.

Strangely enough, we ate at Chili's Thursday night and had a great
experience. (In fact, we've yet to have a bad one.) Our waitress was
AWESOME. Knowing that my son would appreciate something to keep him
busy, we brought two coloring/activity books with us, and Chili's
supplied a few crayons. Never a bad idea when you're eating out to
take something you know will help keep the kids distracted.

1) I've been to this Chili's and they are ALWAYS packed.

2) You were told how long it would be, and I'm sure your kids were no
angels.

'Family Friendly' does not equal 'allowed to scream as much as they
want'

Unfortunately, families dont' seem to understand this. I've witnessed
so many children who are allowed to run pell-mell around restaurants,
throw food on the floor, shriek like monkeys and generally act like
miniature tyrants. I have a hard time believing that the restaurant
'discriminated' against your children because I worked in restaurants
for so long...and my general experience was that by the time a manager
came to say soemthing to a table about children acting up, the bad
behavior had reached the point that other patrons were complaining.

Little kids, plus long wait for food = bored kids. I think when they
told you it would be a while, that would have been a perfect
opportunity to discuss what could be done in the meantime to keep them
busy if you hadn't brought something already that worked for them,
(snacky things, different seating where they could wiggle a little
more since the restaurant was empty etc). Since the restaurant was
empty, most likely any squeek coming from a small child would be
magnified.

I'm not sure why, since the restaurant didn't have many customers,
they had a long wait for the food to come out unless they sent
employees home.

The restaurant staff could have also insisted on moving you to a
"better seat for the kids" so to speak, rather than mention something
that implied poor parenting. There is always a way around that before
actually mentioning the kids has to become part of the conversation.

Parents DO need to learn to control their children. Last night, I was
at a Kohls, and there were 2 children SCREAMING in the store.. saying
"WHERE ARE YOU MAAAAAAAAAAA?" I heard at least a few people saying
"Will those kids shut UP?"

One of my WORST pet peeves is when people bring their rowdy kids to a
restaurant. It annoys me, and everyone in a 30 feet radius. If someone
had to tell you to control your kids then they must have been very
loud. I don't understand it when people bring little kids to
restaurant. I can understand McDonalds or Chuck E. Cheese but not a
place that doesn't put an emphasis on little kids like Chili's.
Seriously, 2 2 year olds and 3 6 year olds?!

One of the things I learned a LONG time ago is to never approach a
table and ask parents to control their kids. Ever. I've done it a
couple of times in extreme circumstances and received nothing but
grief from the parents in question. That grief ran exactly along the
lines that this parent expresses...YOURE DISCRIMINATING AGAINST
FAMILIES/MY KIDS DIDNT DO ANYTHING WRONG/DONT YOU LIKE KIDS? etc.

I guess it all boils down to if a parent is already blind to how their
kid(s) are behaving in a public place, then no one, much less a
restaurant manager, is going to be able to tell them different. In
addition, I've come to realize this kind of parent takes that kind of
feedback as implicit criticism of their ability to parent which
certainly creates an immediate defensive reaction.

First of all, a part of 12, half of which was children six and
under... at that point, I think it would be rather difficult to
contain the kids with those ratios.

I would cringe if a party of 12, including five children age six and
under, were seated next to me. I assure you, while the kids were just
being kids, they likely were cumulatively loud enough that the manager
either took things into his own hands, or customers complained to him
and he had no choice.

I also don't see the relevance to your SIL being pregnant; just
because she's pregnant doesn't mean she can't be spoken to as an adult
and as a parent.

Some of your complaints are so ludicrous (for example, waiting 20
minutes for a party of 12 to be seated is GOOD!) that I'm willing to
take the more legitimate-sounding complaints with a grain of salt.

For a manager to come over, I'm sure the children were NOT behaved. I
have a 5 year old that we take out to eat and this has NEVER happened
to me because we don't allow her to run all over the place. With that
many children, you probably should have gone to Chuck E Cheese.

Pat on the back for your daughter and her award. But with a party
that large you should have called ahead and the situation could be
avoided.

Well, first of all, I have to thank you for not complaining about
their lack of waffles with strawberries (OOPS! Sorry - wrong letter!)

But realistically, a "family restaurant" does not mean that kids can
act just any old way they want. Unless you're at Chuck E. Cheese,
there is an expectation that children will behave in a somewhat civil
manner and not, well, act like children.

With that many small kids who had been waiting to eat for an extended
period of time with nothing else to occupy them, I can imagine that
there was at least SOME disruption going on and you admit to this by
saying that "our children were not being any louder than any other
group there." That leads me to think that the others who pointed out
your skewed perception may have come into play got it right.

Furthermore, even though it was your daughter's special night, it
doesnt sound like you thought the whole plan through before
implementing it. Any group of more than 8 is a major accomodation for
any restaurant. Instead of griping about the wait and the staff that
was apparently ill-prepared to meet your needs, I have to ask why you
never thought to contact them ahead of time to let them know you
wanted to dine with a large party and at least give them the
OPPORTUNITY to get it right? Give them a heads up and at least have a
chance to serve you!

But showing up unannounced with that many people and then firing off
an angry letter about the service is unfair.

With 2 two year olds and 3 six year olds, I can pretty much imagine
the noise they were probably generating. You waited along time and
with 5 small children chaos is almost guaranteed. Even under the best
of circumstances, small children are high energy and can be very
noisy, especially in groups.

As others have said, you may well be used to the noise level and not
notice it, but a large number of people are not. I've seen this
myself with my own nieces and nephews. The noise my brother and his
wife don't even notice is huge. That's the way it is with small kids.
They are active and noisy by nature.
I'm not criticizing them, just stating a fact.

While Chili's may be advertized as a family resturant, there is a
difference between being family friendly and being a place where 5
small children can be properly entertained and allowed to make a lot
of noise for an extended period of time. Family friendly doesn't
equate to a place where children can be as noisy as they want.

Seriously, a better choice may have been Chuckie Cheese or another
similar type children's restaurant. Places like that enable the kids
to have fun, celebrate your child's award, and basically go nuts with
no worries about noise levels. Such a choice may not have been as
nice for the adults, but, after all, it was your child's celebration.

If Chili's staff was in fact rude, there is no excuse for that.
However, I suspect your party was much louder than you realize.

I have to agree with the others, I don't think this is discrimination
at all. What may be normal behavior to you, might be extremely
annoying to another patron and they might have said something to the
manager. Waiting 20 or so minutes for a table of 12 is not at all out
of line. Did you call ahead for seating? If not, they have to wait
to either arrange table or for a party to leave.

Having not been there I will offer some thoughts.
*Waiting 20+ minutes for a table of 12 is not unusal. They had to move
tables and possibly get booster seats, etc.
*You don't offer the amount that was spent, but I would assume it was
over $100. Having worked in retail for years I don't understand why a
business would treat a $100+ sale bad.
*You don't mention the wait staff. No one took your order for the 40
minutes you were at the table? That doesn't seem right.
*Five kids having fun might not be fun for the tale next to you.

Not sure what happened here, but facts you list makes me thing there
is more to the story.

The only input I can offer here is that I've been in several
situations like this, only on the opposite end. I've endured screaming
children of all ages running wild in restaurants with their parents
seemingly oblivious to all of the chaos.
In one instance similar to the one the OP describes, the table was
approached by someone (possibly management) who asked that the parents
keep their kids at the table, etc. becuase apparently the little
darlings were crawling under other diners tables.
The response given was something like, "They're just kids! I thought
this was a family restaurant!"
A few other nasty things were said and they ended up gathering their
brood and leaving, all the while mumbling about how they would NEVER
come back to this place!

While I wasn't present during the OP's experience and won't commit to
saying that she's in denial about what happened, I have to wonder.
I've been to Chili's many times and, yes, it can be loud. But, in all
honesty, a screaming or rowdy child can be heard quite clearly above
all else.

For situations like this, you need to step back and look at it with an
objective eye. Not an easy thing to do.

Were your children being sufficiently loud that it was causing a
disturbance? Did another customer complain to the manager that their
meal was being ruined?

You've said that they were not any louder than any other group there.
I wasn't there, but I believe you.

Let's take the flip side. Suppose you were eating there and some bar
patrons were cursing as they watched football on the TV. Surely,
you'd complain to the manager and ask that he tell them to stop
cursing and to be quieter. In turn, those bar patrons might write a
letter saying that (a) this is a bar and that's what people do in a
bar and (b) they were no louder than anyone else in the place
(including the table of 5 kids uinder 6).

I mention this, not because I think your kids were being loud or that
kids-being-kids is the same thing as people cursing (as a parent, I
know that it's hard to keep kids quiet while grown people should be
able to better control themselves). I mention this because I wonder
if the manager was acting based on her opinion or because she was
receiving complaints.

Complaints from people who may have their own anti-child
discrimination, but complaints nonetheless.

So, what's a manager to do? Either you upset the complainer by saying
"I don't think they're loud and I'm not going to tell them to quiet
down" or you upset the family (your group) by asking them to be
quiet.

The difference between a top quality manager and an average one is how
this situation is handled. Perhaps offering to move the complainer
(the place wasn't crowded). Or to look for ways to create peace at
your table (giving them tortillas, perhaps!).

Given some of other things you report, I'm thinking there was
something else going on. If the service was slow, but the place
wasn't crowded, there may have been a problem in the kitchen or
something else. Not that this is an excuse, but there might be more
to the story than simply the manager wanted to discriminate.

So, whether or not your kids were too loud, there were some things
that a great manager could have made go much better.