They have crusty, pole-filled crotches with spiders living in them. Seems
a douche may actually be in order.

You're funny.

But not ha ha funny.

Is it battery operated? Who put the poles in their crotches in the first
place? Why? Did the pole somehow attract the spiders, or were the spiders
there already? Would someone with spiders and poles in their crotch really
sit down at a computer for any length of time? I would think the presence
of spiders would incite me to move pretty quickly.

These are the things I ponder when I'm supposed to be reading The Iliad for
World Lit.