Well, it is now officially Thanksgiving morning, which means the Holiday season is now upon us. So after you all finish gorging yourself on more food than you would normally ingest in a week, watch lame parades and football games (who the hell is playing today anyhow?) and watch Grandpa snoring in his favorite chair (he looks more and more like a party favor every year!)here are my suggestions for how to make the most of every retailer's favorite holiday - Black (I REFUSE to say Super!) Friday

1) Spend the week before Thanksgiving scouring Internet sites like the following:

http://blackfriday.gottadeal.com/
http://www.blackfridayads.com/
http://www.dealtaker.com/blackfriday.html
http://www.bfads.net
http://www.blackfriday.info

Sure, they all pretty much look alike and have the same ads, but you never know when you might hit the jackpot!

2) If you aren't a football fan, spend the post meal hour plotting your route (Khol's opens at 4:00 a.m.,so it's best to start there to get warmed up for the real crowds at Best Buy at 5:00 a.m. and Toys R Us at 6:00 a.m.) and planning which items you need (iPods, Wii's, diamond jewelery, and the Lexus that guy always gives his wife every year with a red bow around it!)

3) Go to sleep at 7:00 p.m. Set your alarm for no later than 1:30 a.m. Believe it or not, some people will start lining up at the stores as early as midnight. If you really MUST sleep (turkey will do that you) take a blanket and sleep on the sidewalk. Come on! It's only 4 hours!

4) Take the ENTIRE carafe of coffee with you - you're gonna need it. If coffee isn't your thing, a minimum of 6 cans of Red Bull is an acceptable substitute.

5) Most BF shoppers roll out of bed with unkempt hair, no makeup and wearing pajamas or sweats. But don't underestimate the power of cleavage and a tight pair of jeans (Guys, 5 o'clock shadow and a tight pair of jeans are your best bet.) At this ungodly hour, the right outfit and a little shameless flirting can make some poor pimply stock boy your personal slave.

6) If at all possible, bring a partner. As I mentioned, the lines start early and it helps if you have someone to park the car 2 counties away while you wait in line to get into the store. Bringing cell phones or PTT devices is also a good idea. That way one of you can wait in the 5 mile long check out line while the other grabs the goods, or, you can hit opposite sides of the store with especially long lists.

7) Police and security have little patience and even less sense of humor at this hour of the morning. Bringing donuts can be a great way to help get further in line or keep from losing your place while you hit the little girl's room.

8) Black Friday is NOT the time for courtesy, politeness or pleasantries. If some slow-ass old biddy is blocking a display, knock her out of the way! This is serious business and there is no room for ambling, plodding or shuffling along. The tortoise doesn't win this race.

9) Screw the shopping carts. There is no way in hell you'll be able to maneuver through thongs of bodies 8 deep and if you have a partner, you hopefully won't need one. (This is also where the sucking up you did to the cop and the stock boy can pay off BIG TIME). However it is important to note that sometimes the best treasures can be found in carts that some lesser shopper abandoned or foolishly walked away from. (Hey, finders keepers,I always say!)

10) Even if you don't think you'll need it, if it's a hot item at a great price (i.e. Bratz dolls for $5 or video games for $10) GRAB THEM! You would be amazed at the markup you can get for toys on eBay. And the beauty of it is, if you can't unload them by Christmas, under most stores return policies, you'll still be well within the time frame for making a return, but MAKE SURE YOU KEEP THE DAMN RECEIPT.

You have all been officially warned. I don't want to hear any whining and bitching on December 26th about staff members who were "uncooperative and rude" because they would not "work with you" or "make an exception."

However you choose to kick off your holiday season, make it a good one.