Week In Review (11/29/07)
by Unflinching Erik - Posted Thu November 29, 2007 @ 11:35 AM
Yeah, yeah. I know it's late. Like you've never not shown up for work for a week or two without any explanation.
1. Verizon's Lack of Heart
Do you mean to tell me that giant, monolithic corporations base their policies around the accruement of profits rather than the goodness of their hearts? My world view is forever shattered.
2. Double Inquiries
Positivity begets positivity. That being said, let's see what happens when I write a letter to Best Buy accusing their entire staff of being clueless.
3. FucoThin Did Not Work for Me, Vitamin Shoppe
I took your magical sugar pill, and it has neither caused me to lose weight, increase my disposition or to stop smoking. Either refund my money or give me some more magic!
4. Stampede at Staples on Black Friday
My husband was crushed to death at your store on Black Friday by a crazed mob of angry soccer moms. The only thing that could possibly ease my grieving would be a fat discount on a laptop computer.
5. Customer Service is a Thing of the Past at Regions Bank
I often think to myself that things aren't as good today as how I remember them in the past.
6. "Hispanic" Doll needs to speak English
Your "Hispanic" doll only speaks Spanish. I find this "unacceptable". I also have "no idea" how to use "quotation marks".
7. MERRY CHRISTMAS at Target is a dirty word!
The best way to honor the cultural melting pot that is America is by telling all the minority religions to go fuck themselves.
8. Slicing Pizza is Not a Special Request, Giordano's
You never really appreciate the convenience of a pizza place cutting your pizza for you until you're forced to do it yourself, and you end up covered in hot grease and cheese with fewer fingers than you had originally.
9. Burger King Manager
If it wasn't for me, you'd be flipping patties under the jurisdiction of the Viet Cong. The least you could do to show your appreciation is give me half off on my Whopper.
10. This is Crazy, McDonald's!
That homeless guy in the McDonalds uniform who keeps jumping in front of my car in the drive-thru is starting to make me nervous.
11. American Express Caused a Domino Effect on my Life
Attempting to use my American Express card for a purchase led to a domino effect resulting in my currently being penniless and living in the gutter. What the hell?
12. rude staff at more than one location
Our "rude" beams are having no effect on this creature. Scotty! Set phasers to "customer is always right" level!
13. Was Never Waited On!!
My husband and I have been long-time, faithful customers of yours. You would be hard-pressed to find better customers than us. Which is why I'm writing to you today threatening to never come back to your restaurant ever again over one small mistake unless you bribe us.
14. Awesome Black Friday Experience at Jo-Anns!
My husband was trampled to death underneath a crazed mob of angry soccer moms. Thanks, Jo-Anns!
15. Unfaily Charged!!
I have failed in every conceivable way in writing this letter.
16. I hate your food!
I have too much free time on my hands! I hate my life!
17. Indifferent Personnel at Ralph's Grocery
It bothers me when your underpaid staff of teenage workers won't pretend to be happy to see me.
18. FORD MUSTANG GT
Ford Motor Company manufactures shoddy cars which break down easily? Since when?
19. Negative Experience at Staples on Black Friday
I spent my entire Thanksgiving Day camped out in your parking lot instead of at home with my family, and now, thanks not getting the thing that I wanted, the entire experience has somehow turned into a giant waste of time.
20. Ridiculous Fees
I'm the first person in PlanetFeedback history to ever spell the word "ridiculous" correctly. Where's my prize?
21. Carnival CANNOT ACCOMMODATE BABIES
And to demonstrate how outrageous it is that Carnival CANNOT ACCOMMODATE BABIES, I have written that part out in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS to help SIGNIFY ITS IMPORTANCE.
22. Hasbro's Rose Petal Cottage is Insulting to Girls
Your toy reflects all of the negative stereotypes about women that I have inserted into it.
23. Layaway Would Be So Helpful, Target
I wrote a thoughtful request to Target to consider adding layaway for the benefit of its customers, free of any threats, insults or intimidation tactics. How the hell has this letter stayed in the Top 25 so long?
Since I'm a completely different person when I drink, all of the drinks I put on my tab last night were quite obviously forged by a different person.
25. Damage to my van that you will not work with me on.
This dent in the bumper of my van in the shape of your cart boy's head makes me very angry. Very angry indeed.