I'm torn -- your letter is hilarious but your experience was HORRID. And why not order online? Does it make the employees angry or something? I've ordered pizza online exclusively for a few years now, and have had no problems at all. I think the employees (and manager) of the store you ordered from needs anger management classes, a prescription for Buspar or Zoloft, and maybe some drug testing.

I don't blame you for crying: Being sick (and taking the necessary drugs to alleviate the symptoms) can make one weepy.

I think they owe you free pizza and wings every month for a year (but from a different location).