I chuckled a little too while reading your sad tale of woe.

The first clue would have been the pizza box that looks like a horror movie prop. This could have been avoided by refusing the order from the beginning.

I did learn something new, and "Velvet Elvis" along with crocheted doll toilet paper cover will take a place of less prominence in my bathroom decor.

I genuinely hope they get around to calling and I sincerely hope you both are feeling better.