Hey, guess what. Turns out I'm still alive. Good to hear, right?

1. Child Discrimination at Chili's

You not loving my child as much as I do has to be against the law in some way.

2. Inconsiderate Wait Staff

The next time I give your waiter a 6% tip, I expect him to show me a little more gratitude. Ungrateful little peasant.

3. Losing hair and pissed off

Yeah, join the club, pal.

4. Why Should I Pay for Spam Text Messages, T-Mobile?

Because we told you to, that's why.

5. Returns back on shelf

Thanks to your store, I am stuck in a never-ending loop of buying things, returning them, buying them again, and then returning them. Tell my wife and kids that I miss them and I love them.

6. Target's Refusal to Issue a Credit

Hey, who's up for a ridiculously long conversation on evangelical Christian beliefs? By all means, focus on that and not on anything that's in my letter.

7. I Love Ziploc's Zip and Steam Bags!

Almost as much as I love taffy! And I'm a guy who really likes his taffy!

8. Phone Operator at Elk Grove store has MAJOR ATTITUDE!

All I asked was what she was wearing.

9. Ruined Anniversary

I spent it with my husband. Ha! Get it? Who's with me? Am I right or am I right?

10. Stalked and Harassed at TGIF

I'm 32-years-old, and your wait staff mistook me for someone under 21. I've never been so offended in my life!

11. Walmart Seeks Only Hispanic Shoppers

Que?

12. Did I Get the Unlucky Box, Lexmark?

You did! Run home, Charlie! Run all the way home!

13. Bulk mailings are annoying!

No kidding.

14. Panera Employee Needs Sensitivity Training

You want to see a real Diary of a Black Woman, just keep making your jokes, pal.

15. Will IKEA Go the Extra Mile for Me?

Nope.

16. NOT BEING ABLE TO ADD ON TO MY ORDER

If I'm not able to add food to my order when I'm at the window, then the American dream has finally and truly failed.

17. Wells Fargo Destroyed the Credit of a Military Member

All I'm asking is for your bank to read my mind and figure out that I intended to change insurance companies. Is that really too much to ask for a member of the military?

18. American Idol

I'm very upset that the annoying kid with no talent got voted off your show. The voting must've been rigged.

19. Quaker Oats Lower Sugar Instant Oatmeal Can't Be Beat!

Except by taffy! Yum, taffy!

20. Verizon Nightmare!

My network! They can't hear me now! Somebody wake me!

21. Very Disappointed in Royal Diamond Cookware

No matter how much I cook the diamonds, they still aren't soft enough to chew.

22. Hannaford Employee Should Not Wear Military Attire

Having fought to defend the freedoms of this country, I really don't see what's hypocritical about telling people in your store what they can and can't war.

23. Kentucky Fried Chicken Asked Me to Break the Law!

I don't care how hungry I was, there was no way I was going to kill that hobo!

24. Ripped Off at Best Western

Your business had no right treating us as "no shows," just because we didn't show.

25. Some one having a bad day?

Apparently.