Week In Review (4/4/08)
by Resurgent Erik - Posted Fri April 4, 2008 @ 5:36 PM
Did I miss April Fool's Day? From the looks of it, not so much.
1. Disgusted by Used Robe at Palazzo Las Vegas
I demand a free stay at your hotel for your having given me someone else's cooties.
2. Subtle Comments = Racial Prejudice
Your cashier is either highly racist or extremely hungry. I've chosen the more extreme of the two choices.
3. Cockroach fell on teenage daughter
If it's any consolation, the cockroach was just as embarrassed by the experience as your daughter was.
4. MANIAC DRIVER
One of your delivery drivers almost ran me over! It was a person of average height driving a van that said Dish Network. I'm pretty sure they were wearing a uniform. I want this specific driver fired! CAPITAL LETTERS!
5. New tampons
Hey, everybody! Who wants to hear about my va-jay-jay?
6. Inconsiderate Wait Staff
I can't understand why my waiter wasn't happy with his five dollar tip. That should be more than enough for him to buy as much penny candy and whistles as he could possibly want!
7. Outback Steakhouse, Don't Comeback Steakhouse
Get it? Outback? Comeback? Ha! Everyone at work says I should do stand-up!
8. Rude and Abusive Pharmacist at Winn-Dixie
A pharmacist in need of a Paxil prescription - How ironic.
9. Mystery ingredient in hummus?
I can tell you one thing it most definitely was not. Flavor.
10. Rude stupid and arrogant
I most certainly am.
11. DEEP FRIED BUG!!
Oh, we're sorry. You wanted your bug baked, didn't you?
12. Poor choices by your manager
Don't you understand? The expiration dates of coupons don't apply to me. I'm a loyal customer!
13. Discriminates against people with CANCER!!!!
Oh, sure. Play the cancer card, why don't you.
14. Capital One Broke Verbal Contract
And everybody knows that a verbal contract is the most sacred and binding contract of them all.
15. Four Tries and Still Cold at Carrabbas!
My mother's mashed potatoes were ice cold! Why, I could barely even stand to stick my fingers into them!
16. Not the Fridays I Remember from the Past
As I recall, Thursdays used to come after them, not before. Things were so much better in the old days.
17. Brutally Traumatized by Victoria's Secret Employees
Surprisingly enough, not that much of an overstatement.
18. a prospective customer- lost due to racism
As a member of the yankee race, I have more of a right to play the race card than any other minority I can think of.
19. Target's Refusal to Issue a Credit
This NOT an exaggeration, but thanks to your store not refunding the money you overcharged me, I'm probably going to starve to death cold, broken and alone in the streets before my next paycheck.
20. South Bay Veterinary Clinic Truly Cares
A compliment letter? How the hell did this get in here?
21. Insulted and Embarrassed by IHOP Employees
All I wanted was a freshly laid emu egg soft boiled with exactly 1/8th of a tablespoon of lemon pepper and served on top of two pieces of white toast toasted to an exact sepia hue. I really don't see what was so hard about that.
22. Disneyland is Not the Happiest Place on Earth
Disneyland was busy during spring break! Why didn't anyone warn me ahead of time?
23. NIGHTMARE EXPERIENCE WITH SPRINT
Give me a free phone, or my army of 50,000 loyal minions will rain destruction down upon you.
24. Roaches at Best Value Inn
Jesus Christ, enough with the fucking bugs already.
25. T-Mobile- Fraud
Letter- poorly written