Friends, I come to you today with a dream.

I may not ever accomplish much in my life, but if I can do this one thing, then I will have at least accomplished something. You see, I am a prideful man, and that pride is the result of an incredibly large yet fragile ego. Which is the reason for today's posting.

Much like my idol Smitty Werben Jager Man Jensen, I wish for people to refer to me as being Number 1 when I'm gone. That's why I want my personal blogger to be Number 1 on the Top Twenty. So here's what I need from you. Leave a comment on this blog if you're reading it. You don't even have to say anything nice. Call me names. Insult my family. Attempt to correct my spelling. I honestly don't care, just as long as you post something. And preferably, post it twice.

By the end of the week, I want to see my name up in the bright lights, listed along such legends as "Toys R Us Forced My Girlfriend To Buy A Protection Plan," "Fall on April 27th" and, of course, "ASST. MANAGER in BEDFORD TX THREATENS & Throws out of RESTURANT 75 yr. Old Women and 7 others FOR NOTHING!!!"

Come on, people. Don't disappoint me.