I read this as closely as I dared, because it is lengthy. But I saw divergent terms such as "hometown bank" and "online only". It sounds like you were doing everything over the phone or internet.

I would deal with a bank where you walk in, get it done in a half hour, and leave with your welcome documents in hand.

I don't think this has anything to do with traditional or nontraditional relationships. It sounds like this outfit is woefully inefficient.