...without the contact. I no longer consider myself a newbie, as I've been here a couple of months. In those months I've witnessed newbies venture forward with questionable complaints, and PFB veterans respond, sometimes constructively, sometimes scathingly. Then the newbie attempts to silence them with their newbie wit. Big mistake. The PFB veterans deftly exact a few crushing blows that bring the poor newbie to his/her knees (i.e. "I could cry with frustration," "Why are you people so rude?" etc).

So, I have decided to do my part to help those newbies who insist on becoming combatitive (or posting inane letters) come in swinging. Below are a list of rebuttals that are sure to be effective against the most devastating onslaught.

1. Get a life, loser.
2. Why don't you find something to do other than posting rude comments on a message board? (ineffective after your 20th post)
3. Why don't you learn to spell? (there must be an actual spelling error, and you must quote it for full effect)
4. I hope your children don't grow up with your attitude. (Low blow, prepare for full combat)
5. I don't know you, why do I care what you think? (this WILL be followed by a reminder that you chose to share your letter, so be prepared to pretend you didn't know you did)
6. STFU
7. ROTFL
8. LMAO
9. ROTFLMAO
and my personal favorite...
10. Whatever.

Remember, if you survive this intial baptism by fire, you may find PFB to be an interesting place to hang out when work gets boring. So hang in there, and best of luck.