Dear Wal-Mart,

Today is February 10 and I just got back from your store. When I walked in, no one said "Merry Christmas" to me. Not the greeter. Not the cashier.

This bothered me so much, because my faith in Jesus Christ needs to renewed each and every day by having Wal-Mart employees say "Merry Christmas" to me.

So, I went to the manager and said "Merry Christmas" to him. He said "uh, yeah... thanks..." Sounds like he's some sort of atheist Christ-hater, because he didn't say "Merry Christmas" back to me. Or maybe he's in league with Satan himself, since any good American would know that Jesus Christ is our Lord and that saying "Merry Christmas" is REQUIRED at least 10 times per day, every single day. Or else God is going to send a plague on all us.

When Osama sends us another attack, you know who will be to blame? Wal-Mart. Because God is upset that that their employees don't say "Merry Christmas." It will be all your fault when that dirty bomb comes.

You have taken the Christ out of my life. I must demand that you require every employee to seek me out and to say "Merry Christmas" to me when I'm in your store.

Thank you my Lord, Jesus Christ, for allowing dying for my sins and dying so that I could my gallon jugs of grape High-C at discount prices. Please do not send your wrath because Wal-Mart wants to destroy Christianity and to estinguish you from our lives.

Amen.