So I'm minding my own business in my home watching Law & Order, when the most garish commercial I recall ever seeing comes on: "I don't want no burger/I say down with clowns today/I want a fresh delicious sandwich like/the submarines that they serve at subway." You know what I'm talkin' about -- that chick who looks like Kate Capshaw from the Indiana Jones movie, all the makeup, the ratted hair... the VERY BAD LIP SYNCHING. Sometimes, the commercial is even cut super short to fit an abbreviated commercial slot, and it's cut so it doesn't even rhyme.

And this commercial is on A LOT--multiple times a night, sometimes TWICE in the same commercial break.

I'd like to make you an offer. I will go downstairs every single week for as long as I work in my current building and I will buy a sub sandwich from the Subway in the food court. Tiffany now runs the place and since she took over, those guys are the nicest, most polite fast food employees around ("yes, ma'am," "no, ma'am," "You have yourself a great weekend, ma'am."). I even forgive them calling me "ma'am" instead of "miss."

I will even encourage every person I know who has complained about this commercial (coworkers were talking about it in the lunchroom the other day, another one sent an email around, wondering whether he'd moved back in time while he slept) to buy a Subway sandwich as often as possible.

In return for my purchasing a sub (and occasionally a bag of chips or a cookie) (and for encouraging others to do so), you will take that 20-year-old eyesore of a commercial off the air.

Thank you advance for your cooperation. It's a pleasure doing business with you. I'll give Tiffany your best wishes.